letter
to ourselves,
The monster is real. It always has been. We only chose to feed it and then go on to say it’s a myth.
We continue to.
Chester Bennington was a soul etched in most of ours. When I heard the news online, I saw many shattered pieces of people, just waiting to be glued up together again with his music. But to imagine that the only voice we all will be hearing from Chester again will be his recordings is heartbreaking. To think that trouble and depression had such a hold on him is heartbreaking.
I was never one of those people who bought the Linkin Park album right after the moment it was released. And I’m glad I wasn’t. Because I know that if I was, today, I wouldn’t have had the strength to write this. Instead, I’d be rolled up in a corner, not talking to anybody, and screaming my heart out. The pain would’ve been unbearable.
And even now, my eyes hurt from the tears and words are stuck at the tip of my fingers, not willing to write this; because Linkin Park was and is a huge part of our lives no matter where we stand in the fan-line.
I read this somewhere,
Music heals everyone but the ones who make it.
And if we take a look at the history, it’s not false. And this leads me to think how powerful do we think we really are. We aren’t that brittle, really. We can easily be bent. But to break humans requires a massive force.
And that force is everywhere. Within us the most.
Depression and suicide is a subject I’m very sensitive about. To write about it invites mixed emotions and the thought of the possibility that maybe if I close my eyes, this will all turn out to be a lie.
But that’s where I go wrong. Depression is so real, it’s so embedded in everything around us that we simply can’t erase it with one flick now. And every time somebody decides to take their own life, it makes sure to leave a permanent mark on us – one we can not even dream of erasing.
And in that way, we are all scarred.
We don’t even attempt at healing others. Instead, we go on and say shit about other people’s lives. We sit back and watch people suffer. Maybe we like doing so, I don’t know. But there has to be something wrong with us because even when we might not have a chance at fighting depression for ourselves, we do have it in us to fight it for others – to tell them and to show them that love is stronger than anything that is nibbling on their mind.
Chester,
We don’t know what happened. In truth, nobody other than you will ever truly know what happened. That is a secret you’re taking with yourself. But I wish that secret never existed. There are people down here who were looking forward to meeting you, hugging you, attending your concert for the first time. There is a generation out there who were looking forward for their kids to know you and see you. And there are people down here who wanted to just be with you, forever.
But forever doesn’t exist, right? It’s all lies. Our forevers are limited, but let me tell you, the forever you gave to some people will stay with them until their forever.
Wherever you are today, I hope you’re at peace. I hope that you know that people love you, they always have, and they will continue to.
The Earth remembers you. And the Earth will miss you.
x
Let us not dispose off anxiety and depression as a phase, but see it as the monster it is. We need to bring to notice the issue of mental health and we need to work on it. The first step is to be open about it.
To all the people battling their own demons, I beg you to speak to somebody. Anybody. Please. Your life is not a war, you don’t have to only get through it and end it. Support is always present. Meaning is always present. All you need to do is look for it.
Be on a quest and look out for the light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel exists, I’m not denying that, but so does its end. Shout and scream and make your way out of it. Extend your hands and ask someone to pull you out. Crawl and push yourself out of the hole. You can do it. And since forevers don’t usually exist, your misery won’t either.
You deserve to see a better day. You just have to believe that a better day exists and it’s close. Very close.
Because at the end, it does matter. You matter.
yours truly